Yesterday was such an emotionally{?} exhausting day. Alex was a mess...well, not as long as I was holding him anyway! He is not usually a cuddler, or very needy, but yesterday he couldn't get enough. I literally spent the entire day holding him. Except for the 1 1/2 hours I got him to take a nap in the afternoon. I'm not sure if he wasn't feeling well or maybe he's starting to teeth. Speaking of which, he's been wearing that dang teething necklace for over a month now and still no teeth! However, teeth or no teeth, the ladies in the nursery say they believe it improves his disposition when he wears it. As do I...but part of me wondered if it was purely psychological.
Anyway, so yesterday was spent cuddling, holding, trying to prevent crying and not much else. Actually, absolutely nothing else was accomplished. If I did have to put him down to go to the bathroom, or take a shower {at 5:00 pm!}, or to do marinate some chicken, it was like I broke his little heart and he just let loose the flood gates. *phew! Around 6pm, I sent Aaron a text that read something {exactly} like this: "Whenever you want to come home would be a really good time!" Sometime after that {almost 7'ish}, I woke up in the rocking chair in the nursery with Alex sleeping in my arms. I put him into his crib and checked to see if Aaron was home. I didn't see his car, but I grabbed my phone and headed downstairs. As if out of nowhere, Aaron appeared on the landing {scared the snot out of me} and saying nothing, hugged me. Guess he'd been home for just a little bit, but didn't want to wake us.
I'll be honest. Part of me desperately wanted to be at work and not holding a psychotic baby. Ok...even more honestly, at one point I actually got onto Career Builder and {briefly} searched available part-time jobs. I don't think I really meant it...I was just feeling a little "flight mode"-ish {stemming from a selfish heart!}. I've been thinking today how, in reality, I am ever-thankful that I can sit home and just hold my needy baby all day. I think a lot of mommies would trade places in a heartbeat. In retrospect, it really wasn't a "bad day". We spent the entire day outside on the screened in porch, the kitties hung out with us, I got some reading done, and we played a little, but for 98% of the day, my entire focus was on him. Sometimes, I think that can get lost in the daily "to-do" list.
And even further and deeper-down, it was actually very pleasing, comforting, and satisfying to know that Alex just wanted me.
If this is the first day you've want to look for a job since Alex has been born then you're doing really well! I remember thinking that very soon after my first daughter was born!
ReplyDeleteI hope he feels better soon and remember... the laundry and dishes will ALWAYS be there! ;-)
I've had days just like that. Thank goodness they're not all like that! I so understand the feeling of wasting time not getting anything done because all they want you to do is hold them. You're right, though. It's not a waste. It's precious time. I have to keep readjusting my perspective this year as I begin homeschooling and have to manage my time ever more wisely... the kids are so much more important than the to-do list.
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