How Mercy Looks {to Me}

Today in Sunday School class, we revisited a sort-of unfinished topic from several weeks ago that had resulted in much discussion. The subject matter was how "mercy" looks, and what our responsibility is, in the life of a believer as it relates both to the Body {our brothers & sisters in Christ} and to the world. Inevitably, the conversation turned to the homeless, the beggars, the "down & outs". Since moving to the South, Aaron & I have seen more of the homeless lifestyle than we have up North. We've had prior exposure for sure, but not to the extent we've seen here.  It seems as though almost on every busy corner with a shopping center, there is someone with a cardboard sign asking for help...and anything helps.

I have become accustomed to giving these individuals food or water, if I have it. There is one man who stands outside of Target, for whom I buy popcorn and sometimes a soda. One time he joked with that me "all he needed now was a good movie"!  I've also mentioned before how one time I even gave an angel a bottle of water.  I by no means feel guilted into giving to these people, nor do I feel as though it's a good deed that I can check off my list for the day. What I feel is compassion...and thankfulness and gratitude.  As I sit at the stop light in my newish car, with my trunk full of groceries and money in my wallet, on my way home to my little white picket fence life and family that loves me, I am overwhelmed with the realization of how abundantly blessed I am.

I have no doubt that many of these individuals have ended up in their current situation because of decisions they've made and paths they've chosen to take. However, I know that I've made bad decisions and that could just as easily be me. But by the grace of God, there go I, right? Many regular, upstanding citizens feel that the homeless have made their bed so now they have to lie in it and don't really deserve to be helped because of their bad choices. But I am forever grateful that God didn't leave me to lie in the bed that I made. I'm so glad that He bestowed much mercy and compassion on me and did not give me exactly what I deserved, because the only one thing that I deserve is punishment for my sin.

I do believe that some homeless beggars are just unwilling to work and don't desire to have a job. They are perfectly content to scrounge by on the generosity of others. However, one thing I always come back to in my mind is that if they did want to work, I can imagine the loss they feel as to where to start. Before Alex was born my career was in Human Resources, so I know and understand what it takes to get hired and keep a job. First come the you need an interview...an interview that requires a shower, a nicer outfit, a clean-shaven face, a resume... Not to mention that if you do get the job after an interview, you need consistent, reliable transportation so you can show up every day, you need references, you need a social security card, identification, a home address and phone number. Unless you're working under the table, even if you flip burgers at McDonald's or pick up someone's trash these are all things you need to be gainfully employed. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it wouldn't be easy and I believe every bit of overwhelming.

Scripture commands us to be generous and to put our faith into action, but I don't believe that every single person has, or should even feel, an obligation or responsibility to give to the homeless. I don't even think there's anything wrong with you if you can drive by them and not think twice. However, I am compelled to look them in the eye and share a smile and a bottle of water, an orange, or a bag of popcorn. For me, it all goes back to the fact that without Christ, I am that beggar stinky and dirty from my sin. Hungry, but not having what I need to be filled. But God in His loving-kindness cleansed me white as snow, clothed me in mercy, and filled me with His righteousness. And if I can demonstrate even one iota of that kind of mercy to someone that most would deem as "undeserving", it gives me great joy to do so. Because I am that undeserving.

At the close of class today, a quote by C.S. Lewis was shared and I turned wide-eyed to Aaron and said this is exactly how I feel! And he smiled and said, "I know you do."

"It will not bother me in the hour of death that I have been 'had for a sucker' by any number of imposters; but it would be a torment to know that I had refused even one person in need!" CS Lewis

Confessions

Sometimes I really wish my name wasn't "Ma-ma-ma".

There are mornings that I shut the bedroom door from the wailing because I'm just not ready to go there yet.

I look forward to naptime. And bedtime.

This year has given me a better understanding of why some animals eat their young.

On several occasions, I have encouraged sleep with a stiff dose of Tylenol.

I have even wondered why my child wasn't like normal children.

* * * * * * * * * *

Aaron had to remind me this morning that, let's be honest, not all days are bad. He pointed out that some days when he comes home, I'm very excited and happy and just glad to see him...and other days I can be mopey, tired, and apathetic. Back in the way-back recesses of my mind I'm sure I knew that when he comes home from work, my attitude matters.  That I have the opportunity to be an encouragement to him by how I greet him. I think that concept deserves a front-row seat.

He also mentioned that sometimes my mood can be something of a roller coaster...because I allow it to be dictated by Alex's mood. {UGH!}

Another gentle reminder from my leader-teacher that the Child is not my source of joy. "No", I say...he's the source of my frustration!

So today, {although I am currently ignoring the wake-up cries from a Ibuprofen-induced early morning nap} I will focus on the good. I will focus on my attitude. I will be thankful for this little whiner whom I dearly love. I will choose joy.

And I will most certainly look forward to bedtime. :)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control;" ~ Galatians 5:22-23

Soul-weeding

"If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."

~ Amy Carmichael

* * * * * * * * * *

I read that quote over here yesterday and I thanked the Lord for His love gift of conviction. For loving me enough to use someone that I don't even know to speak Truth. You see, I'm a mom now. And if I didn't struggle with impatience before...well, I certainly do now. I am convinced, after 10 months, that God will forever use our children to refine us. He uses my little boy to bring out the darkest areas of my heart that most need to change. 

During these past 10 months of his little life, we've often struggled to discern when he has a real need and when he doesn't.  We believe that many times his boredom, the fact that he'd like to be more mobile, or maybe he's not in a place that he prefers to be, manifests itself as discontentment. Whatever the reason, his behavior is often marked by tears and wails.  Sometimes it seems that no matter what you do for or with him, is not what he wants.  There are days when I feel that I've heard just about all the incessant wailing that I can handle.  And I'll speak impatiently to him. Or I'll think to myself, "why can't you just be like other quiet, normal children?!" Or I secretly hope a gypsy caravan will come take him away. Maybe I even wish {for a second} that I was like normal people and went to work every day. 

And then, when I eventually look in the mirror, I see the discontented tears & wails of my heart. I see the Love that, in spite of my wretched self, only has kindness for me. And then I confess.  I confess to the One who loves me and gave me this wonderful life I don't deserve and with tears I confess to littlest one who does not yet understand my words, but I know can see my heart through my words.

This process of Motherhood and sanctification is one that forces me to look at myself honestly and to diligently tend to my soul-garden. Weeding out the ugly hurts...but it hurts real good.

the {PureGrace}Life blog

Yes, I've changed blog names....again. I promise it's not an obsession and I can assure you that this is it. This is something I've been thinking about doing for some time and I've held off on doing so only because I do feel somewhat foolish for going through another change. While I do enjoy keeping a blog, I've never really felt "at home" on it.  Perhaps the lack of emotional attachment is part of the reason why posts can be few and far between. Who knows. Regardless, I really wanted to create a space that represented me.

Though most people call me "Sue", my full name is "Susanne". With an "s", not a "z". Sort-of like Anne with an "e"...I'm very touchy about it. :) It's always been somewhat humorous, that, Susanne with an "s" means  "pure & graceful", because "graceful" I most certainly am not. However, I now believe that my name was no accident...dare I say even providential? Keep reading.

"Grace" is my favorite word. It is beautiful and powerful...and a constant reminder that my very life, both mortal and situational, exists only because God willed it so.  Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary defines grace as:

• Appropriately, the free unmerited love and favor of God, the spring and source of all the benefits men receive from him.
• Favorable influence of God; divine influence or the influence of the spirit, in renewing the heart and restraining from sin.
• A state of reconciliation to God.
• The application of Christ's righteousness to the sinner.
• A state of reconciliation to God.
• Favor; mercy; pardon.
• Favor conferred.
• Privilege.

Even though I knew the Truth, I spent almost 10 years of my life chasing the World and everything in it.  Every single thing I did was to gratify my love of self. I intentionally chose a lifestyle that hurt many people, including those I loved and even some I barely knew. It was a mere 5 years ago that the irresistible grace of God drew me from the bondage of self and into His loving arms. And I was made pure.

On the header, you see the phrase "mercy's robe, a ring of grace, such favor undeserved". That line is taken from this song that may as well be my life, given words and set to music. If you like, please take a moment to listen to it. I will never understand God's amazing love that causes Him to sing and celebrates over me!

But I do understand that everything I have, everything I am, my family, and my position in life at this very moment is sola gratia...by Grace alone.

I am privileged, honored, and forever humbled that He chose me, Susanne, to live this {PureGrace}Life.

Thirsty?

Lately, the Lord has given both Aaron & I such an overwhelming desire to be genuine in our Christianity, and with that to evaluate what being "a Christian" really means to us. How is my claim to be a "Christ-follower" reflected in my life? Is it even affecting my life? What am I doing to change? To make His desires my desires? To put aside my comforts for His perfection? Christianity is not about what God can or will do for me...it's about what I am doing to further His kindgom and His agenda. We've been doing a lot of practical application Bible study recently and (much to my chagrin!) I've been realizing how Phariseacal I really am! I know all the right answers (and they sound really good!), but without application with the right heart attitude, my knowledge is worthless.

James 1: 22-24 ~ Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

I read this post on my sister-in-law's blog today and it only fueled the desire already planted in my heart!! I long to have such an intimate knowledge of Christ and to walk in such close communion, that my life reflects Him...and only Him. She said it best with, "I commit to immerse myself in Your Word so that who You are is such a part of me that I cannot settle for less."